What is the real work here?

Just the other day, somebody commented "Wah, very shiok ah, got 4 months of maternity leave and doing nothing.

I just want to share that the life of a stay at home mum is not all that wonderful. To add on to the stress, a first time mom, or a mom with 2 or 3 kids to care for. I think it is far from 'shiok'

I thought it would be good to write about my life during maternity. This post also doubles up as A's routine in week 7.

Here is my post on one day in the life of a pseudo stay at home mom.



6am ish : A gets up at about 6+am for a feed. She dozes off with me for abit.

Mummy latches A while she dozes on and off. (Belly to Belly latch)

7am ish: A, the alarm clocks goes around the house with auntie Lina to wake gugu and yiyis up. She is probably the best alarm clock around and the best to wake up to.


Mummy eats breakfast, takes vitamin, wash and sterilise bottles and express milk. 

8am : A takes a shower. She enjoys her showering time very much so we allow her to play in the water for a lil' longer.


Mummy showers Annabelle.

8.45am: A takes a nap in her spring cot.

Mummy showers, pack up, reply emails, smses and errmmm "Hang with friends". At about 10am, mummy pump milk out of her swelling breasts despite feeling the sore in the nipples. She then rest and wait for the 'timebomb' to start crying.

11 am: A wakes up and demands for her milk!

Mummy feeds A in a bottle and feels the heartache and when Baby A refuses to finish her milk. In between, when A is distracted or wants to be put upright, mummy has to meet her demands.

1145 ish : A plays with wai gong, wai po, mummy, her 'friends' from the musical mobile, takes a walk around the house with mummy.

Mummy keeps A company as she plays. Mummy pays attention to A and puts her in to sleep at her first sign of tiredness, usually a yawn, followed by a dazed look.

  

12 : A takes a nap in her spring cot.

Mummy takes her lunch and pump milk at the same time (Mummy is using a Medela freestyle pump, she created her own handsfree sports bra)




1 ish: A wakes up and wants milk.

Mummy quickly washes and sterilizes the pump parts, and give her freshly expressed milk in the bottle.

1.20 ish: Baby A plays again. When she is in a good mood, she stays in the cot to play with her bumper cot book or with her 'friends'. Otherwise, mummy slings her in the manduca and talks to her.

 

If mummy is not done washing or sterilizing the pump parts, she will do it as she slings A in. A likes to be walked around and look at things so mummy has to be quick to do this. 

2pm : Baby A naps again (The timing is flexible depending on when Baby A shows her signs of tiredness)

Mummy replies SMSes or blog so that daddy can be part of A's growth. This is also mummy's way of relaxation and reflection. Otherwise, the days pass monotonously. Mummy then pumps milk again (Mooo...)


4ish pm: Baby A wakes up and demands milk. Baby A plays again.

Mummy plays with Baby A.

5ish pm: Baby A for an evening walk. Sometimes, she falls asleep in the carrier.

Mummy's exercise routine. 

6ish pm: A reaches home and plays with whoever has returned from work while mummy pumps.

Mummy pumps.

6.30pm: A drinks milk.

Mummy feeds A in a bottle. 

7pm: A sleeps for a while.

Daddy has returned home by this time and mummy allows daddy to eat first. While daddy cares for A after his dinner, mummy will take her dinner. 


8pm: Baby A wakes up and takes a shower. Daddy showers A and bonds with her. He reads her a book or talks to her.

Mummy helps daddy as he takes over. As daddy bonds with A, Mummy does packs the rooms and clear the clothes. (Mummy has to be ready to soothe A when she cries )

9pm: Mummy latches A and she falls asleep while at it (hopefully)

Mummy then spends the entire night latching or caring for A if she fusses. 

Repeat the whole cycle again. Expect changes when she gets fussy or when there are visitors.



I'd like to say that the life of a SAHM is much more than one thinks. Why? Here's why:

If you compare it to the work that you are doing out there right now, at least there is some SOP in place. When you talk about caring for a baby, there is no SOP. You have to be on your toes, finding out why the baby fuss, what the baby wants. There is no 1 solution. A cry can mean alot of things. A friend's husband described our work as such of a detective. Ain't that stressful? It could also mean that you may never know the answers to certain cries. Take for example, Baby A has been crying while taking the bottle since week 6. And, I tried everything, from heating the milk longer, timing my pump time to ensure that she gets freshly expressed milk the moment she wakes up, getting someone else to try feeding, walk around while feeding, burping every few minutes, changing teats. And in the end, only to realise, she wanted the milk to flow faster, so i widened the holes of the teat.

We talk about sense of satisfaction. When you are out there in what you call the 'jungle', you more or less knows the KPI expected out of your work. You are also rewarded for it if you do your work well or play your 'game' right. What then is a SAHM's sense of satisfaction? A smile from your child? being part of their milestone. or a husband who comes home still expecting you to serve him since its your job anyway. You probably only get a big 'bonus' when your kids grow up and appreciate you for all your hard work. Even that, is not a guaranteed. Let's not begin with the guilt that SAHM have to face. Since they are not the ones doing the 'real job', they'd feel guilty about asking for help and end up doing everything by themselves. That is alot.

While some workers complain about bosses who call/sms/email them at wee hours of the mornings, think about a SAHM, she is on standby 24/7, without complain.

Well, technically, I am still on a payroll. But, I am just thinking for SAHM, they are now dependent on their husbands for some moolah. They may even feel a little guilty and hence spend alot lesser on themselves as compared to what they would have spend on if they were still working. As for mummies on maternity leave, they sacrificed 4 months of work compared to their peers. Let's be real. It affects the work performance. There are more for the mummies to adjust to - to being a new mum learning the ropes, to post pregnancy figure, to work and being a mother.

How about the pain? Pregnancy pain, child bearing pain, and pain from sore nipples or bad suckle?

Here's my conclusion:
A SAHM's/ pseudo SAHM's life is nothing like a tai tai. That is why we are labelled differently. It is not about dressing up, lifting up our legs and enjoying life at home. It is not about majong, massage and an increasing social life. It is one where alot of sacrifices are made just to nurture your child to be an adult that is happy and healthy. Someone that you'd be proud of when you finally retire and decide to enjoy life from the so called 'real work'.

A SAHM life is more than what you think. I may not even have listed everything here because I have only been through only 7 weeks of a pseudo SAHM's life.

How about appreciating a SAHM today?

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