Cry It Out or Pick Her Up?

To let them cry it out or to pick them up is often the question that we ask ourselves when our infant cries incessantly. 




Are we spoiling her if we pick her up?

There are plenty of theories, ways and methods that we read up on and if we were to employ all of them, it would have left us and baby A confused.

We agreed on one thing for baby A for the first three months- the basic principle in all that we do is to build basic trust and security. 

Thinking about it, this makes more sense than training her to be smart, disciplining her at this stage. 

Logically thinking, she just transit from the nice, snug, warm and comfortable womb to the big cold world. Her immediate need would therefore be that of feeling safe where she is. Hence, building trust and this sense of security at this stage is very important. 

What we did:

The very first thing I feel is that mummies and daddies have to be prepared mentally that babies cry ALL the time. Yes, it is true that they sleep alot but the sleep could be broken up into many small intervals. My hubby expected a quiet baby sleeping in the cot most times and hence were a little unprepared for the cries that we cannot decipher. so, be prepared to hold baby close to your arms and your heart when she needs a little cuddle! What really saved my arms was the baby carrier that my friends introduced to me. 



For a start, we used a sleepy wrap as Baby A's neck was not strong yet. Later on, we started using a manduca:




Acknowledging that babies need alot of soothing, cuddles and staying close to dad and mum, it is also true that we get tired from all that carrying. And, we need those hands to sterilize, wash or even send out an urgent sms! The carriers are really life saving. With it, I have been able to take baby A on her first MRT ride, bus ride, exercise, rem an even the toilet! My husband can also understand the 'womb' experience better by 'wearing' the baby. 

By meeting baby's needs when they cry will help them to realize that someone in this world understands them and can help them. While some books claimed to teach you how to recognize baby's cries for a variety of needs. But this actually mean that all babies are the same? How can that be? Every child is special and unique. That is where a logbook comes in handy. By recording and noticing babies schedule and what changes on a different day can help us see a pattern in baby's routine and recognize her need. More on logbooks in a later post! 

Why do we want to build such a deep sense of trust and security. We believe that when baby A realizes that she is safe in this great big world, that her needs are readily met, she is a step ahead in preparing to explore her world. She will be daring in taking up challenges because she has trust that her parents will always be there to hold her. Hence, we are a step nearer to an independent, confident and definitely, a happy child! 

We were influenced by an array of books and  here are some of the quotes that I like and really set my heart at ease on our parenting choices:

From Harvey Karp: The Happiest Baby on the Block 

"It's impossible to spoil your baby during the first four months of life. Remember, he experienced a dramatic drop-off in holding time as soon as he was born."

"They found that babies whose mothers responded quickly to their cries during the first months of life did not become spoiled. On the contrary, infants whose needs were met rapidly and with tenderness fussed less and were more poised and patient when tested at one year of age! As Ainsworth and Bell proved - and most parents know in their hearts - the more you love and cuddle your little baby, the more confident and resilient he becomes"

"The beginning of the fourth month is the earliest time concerns about accidentally spoiling your baby become an issue. However, before four months, you have a job that is one hundred times more important than preventing spoiling; your job is nurturing your baby's confidence in you and the world."

"When your loving arms cuddle your baby or warm milk satisfies him, you're telling him, "don't worry, I'll always be there when you need me." This begins you baby's trust in you and becomes the bedrock of his faith in those closest to him."

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